Better-Veiled Xenophobia

VGL last night was pretty amazing and was different enough from the first time to still enjoy. Note to people who want to get picked for going on stage in a few years when VGL comes back to Toronto, make a sign (that's important) and wave it around madly during the selection. They seem to like the signs, or are too lazy to pick other less obvious contestants.

Now for some excerpts from Our Dumb World:

The United States: The Land of Opportunism
The United States was founded in 1776 on the principles of life, liberty, and the reckless pursuit of happiness at any cost - even life and liberty.

Massachusetts: Covered in ivy
Home to hundreds of prestigious colleges and universities, Massachusetts is where the nation's best and brightest can't afford to go.

New Mexico: Unexplained
Though a retired police captain claimed to have seen New Mexico one night in 1947, researchers and government officials maintain to this day that the state was merely a weather balloon.

Alaska: Needlessly unspoiled
Alaska is the country's last frontier of untouched disposable consumer goods, with vast forests of potential napkin products stretching as far as the eye can see, and mountains of two-liter E-Z Chug bottles waiting to be processed.

Canada: For the United States, see pages 9-22
Living in the shadow of its southern neighbor, the nation of Canada will never be as great as the U.S. so long as it continues to burden citizens with universal health care, refuses to drill for oil in federally protected wildlife reserves, and neglects its duty to blindly support unilateral invasions of Middle Eastern states.

Honduras: A lush and diverse crime scene
With over 900 distinct types of rapists, 600 varieties of cold-blooded murderers, and all 18 members of the feared Hernandez-Garcia family, Honduras boasts a startling array of criminal life sure to take any visitor's breath, wallet, and often both kidneys away.

Jamaica: True Rasta no develop country
Jamaica is home to dank nugs, kind buds, ganja, and a crumbling infrastructure, which the country will get around to fixing right after this joint.

Brazil: People at their most beautiful, humanity at its ugliest
Boasting some of the sexiest people ever to be stabbed repeatedly at night, Brazil is home to perhaps the most attractive victims of carjacking, robbery, and violent assault in the world.